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Erotic versus Sexual
I have a question for all of you out there, because my experience is limited and many of you have very different experiences and perspectives than my own. Can something be erotic but NOT sexual? The dictionary definition of both words seems to indicate not, but some late night musings recently made me wonder if something can be one but not the other.
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
Re: Yes ...
Mehsexual! I love it! This is the way I feel sooo much of the time. Sexy things are okay, and can be enjoyable *if* my buttons are pressed in the right way, but I have atypical buttons and an atypical sequence, so most often sexytimes are just meh, and I'd rather make cookies or go rock climbing.
>>Do keep an eye on my audience, though; I have a substantial number of ace fans.<<
I shall do this. You have a lot of awesome fans, and a lot of awesome works, and I've learned a lot since finding your journal. :D
>This is why some people find labels helpful, to distinguish among different places on a spectrum.<<
This. I don't need a label, I'm happy to be just me, but an accurate one can be rather handy for determining where I stand, and helping other people understand what I'm looking for and what I like.
Re: Yes ...
Yay! :D
>>Sexy things are okay, and can be enjoyable *if* my buttons are pressed in the right way, but I have atypical buttons and an atypical sequence, so most often sexytimes are just meh,<<
Frustrating.
>> and I'd rather make cookies or go rock climbing. <<
These are things that acespec folks say very often, and allosexual folks almost never say.
>> I shall do this. You have a lot of awesome fans, and a lot of awesome works, and I've learned a lot since finding your journal. :D <<
I am delighted to hear that.
If you want do spark conversations with other acefolk, consider prompting or sponsoring material about ace characters. I have a bunch of them, and I'm always up for adding characters from orientations I haven't featured yet.
>> an accurate one can be rather handy for determining where I stand, and helping other people understand what I'm looking for and what I like.<<
Agreed. Me, I like naming things, but I don't feel constrained by labels. It took years of trying on different things to find some that fit, and eventually, come up with some of my own. But some of my orientations just plain irritate people. On a good day I may point out the problems with their whining. On a bad day it's just, "Well, I'm not going to fuck you, so I don't care what you think."