>> The personal issues I mentioned earlier make me wary of any relationship commitments at the moment, since I'm definitely not ready. It wouldn't be fair to the other person, or myself. <<
That sounds very prudent.
>> I have so much work to do to get through those issues before I'm ready for that kind of commitment again, but that also makes it harder to get what I need on an "emotional" (I need a better word than emotional but I don't have one) level. <<
True. Consider your needs and whether any of them can be met through friendship, pets, toys, or other means than a significant other. You don't necessarily have to meet them all at once, just get the tank full enough to go on with.
>> I have certain, preferences, that are better satisfied in an on-going "relationship", rather than just as a one-off. The one-offs help, but are a little more shallow than what I need. Much to my frustration though, I have a damn difficult time trying to explain what I need. <<
Then practice. It's a basic exercise for intrapersonal prowess. What do you feel? What do you want? Why? The more you do it, the better you'll get. And you probably won't get better if you don't work on it.
>> I have read multiple stories that leave me filled with want for what the characters have but it is the intangible interactions, rather than one specific action, that I want most. Which makes it kind of hard to explain to other people. Saying "I want this" (waves hand at 5,000 word story), doesn't work so well lol. <<
Believe it or not, I have had people ask my permission to take a story or poem to their therapist, lifepartner, etc. for exactly that reason. It can work. A good therapist can sometimes help people articulate more precisely, such as "I think kink sounds intrigueing but maybe not that much pain," or "I want someone to nurture me," or "I want to take care of someone who will appreciate it and make me feel useful," or "I want someone to stop crowding me when I say I'm all-peopled-out."
A lot of those scenes are either requests for a fixit from someone else, or my fantasies about how I wish people would behave instead of what they actually do. It can be done. But you have to know the options exist and what you would want, then figure out how to communicate that ... to someone who actually cares how you feel.
>> I feel like even with the help of Doctor G., Bennett, Aidan, AND Pain's Gray, I would still be hopelessly tangled up inside and more than they could deal with. <<
Maybe so. But every one of the characters you just named has come from an agonizing past, and that is WHY they are that good -- and that gentle with other people's pain. Dr. G lost half his family as a toddler. Bennett was in an abusive relationship. Aidan is thousands of years old and has lost everything repeatedly. Pain's Gray was abandoned after his first kink scene, and also later tortured. Every one of those people has been an utter sobbing wreck. They all had help, at various times, from other people around them; and they all decided to work on skills that would help them survive and eventually thrive.
>> Oddly enough, typing this made me feel a little better, <<
That's good! Look at what you wrote. It talks about your wishes and your obstacles. Those are important first steps to making progress. They're things that often appear on a goal worksheet:
>> though I'm still desperately wishing that L-Canada offered classes for emotional skills, cause I truly suck at them. <<
I wish that too. It's why I keep writing the stuff down. It does help, because readers tell me they use this stuff. Heck, if all you can do is read stories that show the kind of things you want to have, maybe that will help you too. Lots of people tell me they think "What would Stan do?" or "What would Dr. G do?" when they have a problem.
>> A few tips on scheduling and follow through would be a big help too.<<
Okay, now you have a lot of new suggestions for things to try.
Pick ONE. Not five, not the whole list. Pick the thing that sounds easiest or most useful or you already have the materials to finish. Go do the thing. Pat yourself on the back.
The next time you have some energy, do another thing. ONE thing at a time.
No matter how slow you go, or how bad a job you think you're doing, you will get better if you keep at it.
Thoughts
That sounds very prudent.
>> I have so much work to do to get through those issues before I'm ready for that kind of commitment again, but that also makes it harder to get what I need on an "emotional" (I need a better word than emotional but I don't have one) level. <<
True. Consider your needs and whether any of them can be met through friendship, pets, toys, or other means than a significant other. You don't necessarily have to meet them all at once, just get the tank full enough to go on with.
>> I have certain, preferences, that are better satisfied in an on-going "relationship", rather than just as a one-off. The one-offs help, but are a little more shallow than what I need. Much to my frustration though, I have a damn difficult time trying to explain what I need. <<
Then practice. It's a basic exercise for intrapersonal prowess. What do you feel? What do you want? Why? The more you do it, the better you'll get. And you probably won't get better if you don't work on it.
>> I have read multiple stories that leave me filled with want for what the characters have but it is the intangible interactions, rather than one specific action, that I want most. Which makes it kind of hard to explain to other people. Saying "I want this" (waves hand at 5,000 word story), doesn't work so well lol. <<
Believe it or not, I have had people ask my permission to take a story or poem to their therapist, lifepartner, etc. for exactly that reason. It can work. A good therapist can sometimes help people articulate more precisely, such as "I think kink sounds intrigueing but maybe not that much pain," or "I want someone to nurture me," or "I want to take care of someone who will appreciate it and make me feel useful," or "I want someone to stop crowding me when I say I'm all-peopled-out."
A lot of those scenes are either requests for a fixit from someone else, or my fantasies about how I wish people would behave instead of what they actually do. It can be done. But you have to know the options exist and what you would want, then figure out how to communicate that ... to someone who actually cares how you feel.
>> I feel like even with the help of Doctor G., Bennett, Aidan, AND Pain's Gray, I would still be hopelessly tangled up inside and more than they could deal with. <<
Maybe so. But every one of the characters you just named has come from an agonizing past, and that is WHY they are that good -- and that gentle with other people's pain. Dr. G lost half his family as a toddler. Bennett was in an abusive relationship. Aidan is thousands of years old and has lost everything repeatedly. Pain's Gray was abandoned after his first kink scene, and also later tortured. Every one of those people has been an utter sobbing wreck. They all had help, at various times, from other people around them; and they all decided to work on skills that would help them survive and eventually thrive.
>> Oddly enough, typing this made me feel a little better, <<
That's good! Look at what you wrote. It talks about your wishes and your obstacles. Those are important first steps to making progress. They're things that often appear on a goal worksheet:
https://www.developgoodhabits.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/SMART-Goal-Setting-Worksheet-819x1024.jpg
>> though I'm still desperately wishing that L-Canada offered classes for emotional skills, cause I truly suck at them. <<
I wish that too. It's why I keep writing the stuff down. It does help, because readers tell me they use this stuff. Heck, if all you can do is read stories that show the kind of things you want to have, maybe that will help you too. Lots of people tell me they think "What would Stan do?" or "What would Dr. G do?" when they have a problem.
>> A few tips on scheduling and follow through would be a big help too.<<
https://www.wikihow.com/Schedule-Your-Day
https://daringtolivefully.com/how-to-follow-through
Okay, now you have a lot of new suggestions for things to try.
Pick ONE. Not five, not the whole list. Pick the thing that sounds easiest or most useful or you already have the materials to finish. Go do the thing. Pat yourself on the back.
The next time you have some energy, do another thing. ONE thing at a time.
No matter how slow you go, or how bad a job you think you're doing, you will get better if you keep at it.