>> Thank you for all the links. It helps to have resources. <<
*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service.
>> It also helps to have someone acknowledge what I said without brushing it off or calling me stupid or messed up.<<
Suddenly realizing you're short a bunch of critical information is not a thing to brush off. It is well worthy of going "Ack ack ack!" over for a while. This is why people have those panicky dreams about showing up for a final exam in a class they forgot to take.
You're not stupid or messed up. You're shortchanged. It's a chore to fix, but it is fixable. Information can be obtained and skills can be learned. Nobody arrives at adulthood with everything they need; some folks just have bigger gaps than others. You can get through this.
>> I love my mom but I don't think her family was big on emotions so I think she missed a lot of the building blocks herself. <<
That sounds very plausible.
>> A lot of the feelings stuff got brushed off as stupid or making a big deal out of nothing.<<
Ouch.
Feelings are not stupid. We have them for a reason -- they're motivators. Anger happens when your goals are blocked and you need to remove the blocks. Fear happens when you're threatened and you need to run or fight. Sometimes feelings are inaccurate, and you need to recognize that; but you can't unless you already know their accurate versions.
>> Being a single parent (divorced) was probably also hard. <<
Yes, that's very hard. Some people cope with it by focusing on practicalities because their whole emotional self is writing in pain, and if they stopped to pay attention to that then nothing else would get done. It's not a healthy response, but sometimes it's the least-worst they can manage.
>> I did the Circle of Life! Next step, figure out which things I want to improve. Next next step, sort through the links for the most useful or cost efficient (work vs reward) links.<<
You have a plan! It is a good plan. I wish you luck with it.
I do still recommend the emotional first aid kit, if that sounds at all useful to you. Most of what you asked about were skills that will take time to learn and practice. The kit is a single project that you can either build one piece at a time as you think of comforting items, or put together in an hour or so and be done with. Plus it would be useful in dealing with the inevitable stress of learning new skills.
Re: Thoughts
*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service.
>> It also helps to have someone acknowledge what I said without brushing it off or calling me stupid or messed up.<<
Suddenly realizing you're short a bunch of critical information is not a thing to brush off. It is well worthy of going "Ack ack ack!" over for a while. This is why people have those panicky dreams about showing up for a final exam in a class they forgot to take.
You're not stupid or messed up. You're shortchanged. It's a chore to fix, but it is fixable. Information can be obtained and skills can be learned. Nobody arrives at adulthood with everything they need; some folks just have bigger gaps than others. You can get through this.
>> I love my mom but I don't think her family was big on emotions so I think she missed a lot of the building blocks herself. <<
That sounds very plausible.
>> A lot of the feelings stuff got brushed off as stupid or making a big deal out of nothing.<<
Ouch.
Feelings are not stupid. We have them for a reason -- they're motivators. Anger happens when your goals are blocked and you need to remove the blocks. Fear happens when you're threatened and you need to run or fight. Sometimes feelings are inaccurate, and you need to recognize that; but you can't unless you already know their accurate versions.
>> Being a single parent (divorced) was probably also hard. <<
Yes, that's very hard. Some people cope with it by focusing on practicalities because their whole emotional self is writing in pain, and if they stopped to pay attention to that then nothing else would get done. It's not a healthy response, but sometimes it's the least-worst they can manage.
>> I did the Circle of Life! Next step, figure out which things I want to improve. Next next step, sort through the links for the most useful or cost efficient (work vs reward) links.<<
You have a plan! It is a good plan. I wish you luck with it.
I do still recommend the emotional first aid kit, if that sounds at all useful to you. Most of what you asked about were skills that will take time to learn and practice. The kit is a single project that you can either build one piece at a time as you think of comforting items, or put together in an hour or so and be done with. Plus it would be useful in dealing with the inevitable stress of learning new skills.