warriorsavant: Thank you for expanding on the word “erotic”. It kind of fell out of the conversation a while back, but you’ve definitely helped illustrate that sensual/erotic/sexual are distinctly different things (even though feelings like arousal can be a part of each of them). You’ve also touched on something else that I was going to expand on as well: “... the potential for conflict”.
fuzzyred: Most people are not objective when they’re trying to process information. They’re subject to their own biases/experiences/predilections - their brains process things in a way that makes sense to them. So when you’re trying to communicate something to a person with a completely different mindset, there can be a loss in translation.
>> ... I’m not often eloquent or clear enough to explain it in a way that they get. << You’re right that they don’t get it, but it’s not necessarily from your lack of ability to explain it. Most people just don’t have the ability to put it into the same context as you. For instance, if you tell a sexual person that you aren’t really interested in sex, for them that might mean it’ll take more than a couple of dates before things progress. It simply doesn’t register that “not that interested” could mean that you potentially never want sex, but still want the emotional and (non-sexual) physical closeness of a relationship. Sexual people ultimately want sex, and can’t really conceive that a relationship could exist without it.
>> Plus, fighting against the tide all the time is hard. << I know that feeling all to well (although admittedly, I’m drawing parallels to other aspects of my life other than sex). When seemingly every other person is pushing against you, it becomes harder and harder to push back. I don’t know that I have words that can help you on this one. That tide has dragged me under more times than I can count. I keep trying, but you’re right - it’s hard.
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Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-12 06:29 am (UTC)Thank you for expanding on the word “erotic”. It kind of fell out of the conversation a while back, but you’ve definitely helped illustrate that sensual/erotic/sexual are distinctly different things (even though feelings like arousal can be a part of each of them).
You’ve also touched on something else that I was going to expand on as well: “... the potential for conflict”.
Most people are not objective when they’re trying to process information. They’re subject to their own biases/experiences/predilections - their brains process things in a way that makes sense to them. So when you’re trying to communicate something to a person with a completely different mindset, there can be a loss in translation.
>> ... I’m not often eloquent or clear enough to explain it in a way that they get. <<
You’re right that they don’t get it, but it’s not necessarily from your lack of ability to explain it. Most people just don’t have the ability to put it into the same context as you. For instance, if you tell a sexual person that you aren’t really interested in sex, for them that might mean it’ll take more than a couple of dates before things progress. It simply doesn’t register that “not that interested” could mean that you potentially never want sex, but still want the emotional and (non-sexual) physical closeness of a relationship. Sexual people ultimately want sex, and can’t really conceive that a relationship could exist without it.
>> Plus, fighting against the tide all the time is hard. <<
I know that feeling all to well (although admittedly, I’m drawing parallels to other aspects of my life other than sex). When seemingly every other person is pushing against you, it becomes harder and harder to push back.
I don’t know that I have words that can help you on this one. That tide has dragged me under more times than I can count. I keep trying, but you’re right - it’s hard.