Fuzzyred's Marvelous Reading Nook

I have some random questions for y'all who know more about energy and spiritual things than I do.

First question: Is there a reason the yoga instructor always says to put your right hand on your belly and your left hand on your heart?

Second question: Why does the above combination feel okay if I'm lying down, but gives me the heebie geebies sitting up? If I'm seated I have to reverse my hands.

Third (somewhat related) question: Any idea why, as a right-handed person, the way I'm most comfortable is with my left appendage on top? Frex when I interlace my fingers, my left thumb is on top, and when I sit cross-legged, my left foot is in front/on top. Does this vary by person, or am I the odd one out?

Out of spoons error. I think possibly PMS related, so hormones higher than normal and emotions more volatile than usual. I have so much to do in the near future and not enough time to do it in, nor enough energy. It also doesn't help that my next four weekends are all pretty much busy so I don't even have that time. It's just all so much and I don't know how I'm going to get it all done and my schedule isn't really conducive to acxepting the offers of help I've had and I just want to be done with everything. Or just scream, but neither of those is conducive to getting shit done. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!

(Also, while suggestions are welcome, please don't tell me to breathe or "it'll all work out" and any touchy-feely stuff is probably going to put my hackles up; I'm feeling a bit prickly at the moment.)

I hate making decisions. And I hate more when deciding means I'm going to disappoint someone. It always seems like I either have zero plans or all the plans at once. In this case, I got invited to a surprise birthday party for a friend this Saturday. The invite was issued weeks ago and I decided I would go, even though there are some activities planned that are on the edge of my comfort zone.

Then yesterday my grandma said that she is having both my cousins and their kids over this Saturday for dinner so that they have an easier time with Thanksgiving plans next weekend, and my gram invited me and my sister as well. Usually my gram does things on Sundays, but apparently there is a car show they might go to Sunday so dinner was planned for Saturday.

Both are this Saturday. The party is at 3pm in a city 2 hours from here. Gram's dinner is... well... dinner, so probably around 5 or 6. I have no clue how to decide which to go to because I want to attend both and I really love my family but I made the other commitment first and no matter what someone is going to be disappointed and I'm going to feel guilty. I keep trying to see if there is some way I could do both, but I really don't think that's going to be possible.

I'm leaning towards family, because I don't often see everyone all together and justifying not being there is going to be hard, but cancelling after saying yes to the party sucks too. And I can feel myself fishing for someone to tell me, "Do x, it's the right thing to do," so that I don't have to feel guilty but that's not the way life works and I have to make my own choice. It's just hard when I know I'm going to be letting someone down.

So I had a doctor's appointment today. Just a check up/first visit kind of deal, since I have a family doctor again for the first time in about 10 years. Things went fine, going to get blood work and a chest x-ray done to make sure everything is good, so I'll probably try to do that Monday.

I also went through many of my DW comments, and now only have 14 "unread" ones instead of 64. I read all comments when they first show up, but I don't always reply right away, if a response requires more spoon or time than I have, so I leave the comment unread until I decide if/that I want to reply. I have a few more to go through and I will probably make a post with a bunch of links in it, since I will also leave a comment unread if it has links I want to revisit or didn't fully look at the first time. Now I just have to keep it at this level...

So, I happen to be a somewhat energy sensitive person, and I need to invest in some shielding, because I tend to get spilled on a lot by other people, most notably with their anxiety and anger. I have the beginnings of a shield in place, but sometimes I forget to erect it, and it's not the strongest yet. The other thing I've noticed is that hand mudras seem to work well for me in the balancing energy department. I'm not so good at remember fancy positions, so I decided to look up the meanings behind them in the hopes of making my attempts more successful. Right now the best I can get is "oh that helped" or "ick ick ick, that felt wrong." Which is a starting point but doesn't really help me in knowing how to move forward.

Some information I managed to find via a quick google search:

From Nexoye
Thumb: Fire
Index finger: Air
Middle finger: Ether/Sky
Ring finger: Earth
Pinky finger: Water

The site goes on to describe how these elements are tied to physical aspects of the body, but I'm looking more for how these elements relate to emotions and the emotional/spiritual energy that flows through the body.

I am planning to maybe find a book on mudras, and see if I can relocate an online listed I was pointed to by ysabetwordsmith, but I will gladly take any advice or recommendations any of you may have; this is brand new territory for me, and I'm not really sure what I'm doing.

So. I absolutely suck at adulting and life and finding balance. Boundaries and saying no are another difficult spot for me and sometimes it all adds together to make me panic and flail because I just can't even.

The particular issue behind this post is alone time. I'm an introvert and people are usually a lot of work. I do like seeing them and I want to keep my relationships in good repair, but the amount of energy needed to do so and my inability to say no and balance things often leaves me over stretched and overwhelmed.

In most facets of my life, I tend to binge things; I will focus on something (say a knitting project) and do that for a few weeks or months fairly frequently, then put the activity down for a couple months. If it's something I like, I will eventually circle back to it. If I find I don't like it, the first binge phase will be the only one that happens and I won't come back to that activity (or it might be years in between.) Unfortunately, this does seem to carry over into how I deal with people, so I have a very hard time managing multiple connections. Lots of energy for one means little for everyone else, and I don't seem able to keep up the low level maintenance most people do; if it's not overly frequent (my personal tendency to get invested in a thing that has caught my eye), I tend to fall off the face of the Earth and most people expect more contact than just a text once every three months.

I'm not sure what would help here. I've thought of trying to schedule things so I can maintain a balance between chores, all my hobbies, people I want to see, and alone time, but I am not great at following through with schedules. I also don't want my whole life to be scheduled; I want to be able to be spontaneous and do things just because. Life should be fun, not just a thing to struggle through. Maybe a "month at a glance" type schedule, with major things marked in but still opens for little things? Or days scheduled out by with a space marked "free time" for unexpected things? Or even possibly not agreeing to commitments unless there is a heads up of two days or more, except for one-time opportunity type things? This last option would let be schedule a bit ahead of time, and not give away all my free time, while not having my whole life planned out to the minute.

I'm still just noodling around with things, but this is definitely something I should address, because I don't like flailing about. If anyone has suggestions, I'm all ears. Even basic things, because I have enough patchy spots that I might not have the typical basics.

*wiggleflap*

I was driving in my car today, wearing shorts, and a stray thought popped into my head. "Why are women expected to shave their legs?" I mean, seriously, women and men both have hair there, you see that body part when either (any) gender wears shorts, why are women expected to shave? Mind you, I usually don't, because I often wear pants and it doesn't bother me anyway but it is commonly expected. Especially with a skirt or dress, not just shorts, or bathing suits. Why is hair un-womanly? Why don't men have to shave? WHY DO PEOPLE CARE SO MUCH ABOUT HAIR?

*deep breath* Sorry about that, I'm calm now. It just seems like such an arbitrary thing, and I'm curious where it came from, and why we all continue to buy into it. Of course, if you like shaving, or want to for personal reasons (whatever they may be), that is certainly your prerogative. It just seems unfair to me, is all.

Work has been monumentally frustrating today. Nothing big, just lots of little things one after the other, and enough different problems that I can't really troubleshoot any of them. I really want to just scream right now, or otherwise physically vent my frustrations, but I can't. If anyone knows any discrete ways to do that, that wpuld be supremely helpful. Maybe I could try stomping my feet or drumming my hands. Anything to release the frustration, because I can't just "let it go" like some people.

*gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

I have decided to finally make a post about my garden and the work I've been doing in it. This one is going to have a cut tag because I actually managed to take pictures of everything!

( Garden pictures below )