I want to make a new word

[fuzzyred]

I was thinking about my sexuality last night, and how hard it can be for me to set boundaries or figure out what I want, because I don't have strong preferences on anything. Usually I think of the word "ambivalent" for this, but I think "indifferent" is actually the more accurate term.

"Ambivalent" - having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.
"Indifferent" - having no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.

Truthfully, either of those words perfectly describes my feelings on sex. The word I use most often is "meh"; I don't hate sex, I'm not opposed to it, orgasms do feel good, but I have no strong desire for it either. It is further down on my priority list and I can go quite a while without it and not miss anything. Sex (and orgasms) is a thing, not good, not bad, just there, unless the right stimulus comes along.

These feelings led me to thinking of two words, the first of which probably wouldn't work for me because of the definition of ambivalent, the second of which would be better, because "indifferent" is a pretty good description of my feelings. "Ambisexual" or "Insexual". The definition I would give to the word (if you have a thought which is better, let me know) is as follows:
"Ambisexual" or "Insexual": one who has no strong feelings about sex either way. Is not repulsed by sex but also does not think sex is the greatest thing in the world. May be accompanied by a low sex drive.

Noodling around with words is fun, let me know if you think one would be better than the other, or if there is already a term that matches what I described. I'm also happy to answer questions if anyone wants clarification or more details.

Comments

[warriorsavant]

I have no idea which word better describes you, but when it's all said and done, when it comes to sex, there's way more said than done. More seriously, all human interests and everything is on a continuum, and sexuality is no different. There's so much noise about it today, that people feel that if they're not having sex 7 times/wk with 10 different partners (or vice versa), they're lagging behind. In fact, the feelings you express are probably more common than this mythic hyper-sexualized experience.

[fuzzyred]

That is reassuring to hear. I don't have much to base my reactions on, just what mainstream media portrays as "normal". It's nice to know that I don't necessarily need special words, and that what we get told is "normal" or common is maybe wrong.

[ex_flameandsong751]

Noodling around with words is fun! I like "ambisexual" just a bit better because it conveys more clearly the feeling of ambivalence.

(Also, hi from a fellow ace-spectrum person. [I'm aegosexual/autochorisexual.])

[fuzzyred]

I like "ambisexual" too, for the same reason, although if I used either, I'd have to explain the word anyway XD

(Hello! I am currently using the words Grey-Ace and quoiromantic. [I had to look up your terms, so now I know new words!])

[ex_flameandsong751]

I actually only just discovered the words aegosexual/autochorisexual a few months ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks, like "Oh, you mean I'm not the only person on planet Earth who's like this???!!!" I also identify as pan, in the sense that I don't really want to get it on with a bio-partner, but in terms of thinking so-and-so is attractive, I've had the "hot" reaction with varying genders and non-genders. "Grey-ace" *is* a convenient shorthand, so I list "grey-ace" on my big-ass wall-of-text sticky post, but yeah. XD

[fuzzyred]

Finding new terms is always exciting, and I have a feeling there will *always* be new words to find. This is mostly why I don't worry to much about labels, though sometimes it's handy to have a name for it if it facilitates explaining. I'm glad you found something that fits for you. :)

[technoshaman]

Am wondering if your other connections to a given person have any bearing on it? (Need there be friendship, or other intellectual connection? or is it just a thing you can enjoy but don't seem to _need_?)

[fuzzyred]

My connections with other people do seem to play a role. If there is friendship or romantic interest, usually accompanied by aesthetic interest, I am more open to sexual things. I don't desire them more often, but I'm more receptive when they are offered, and I enjoy it if the other person knows my happytriggers (words/intellectual foreplay for me.) If there is no connection with the other person, sex won't be happening, since it's not something worth seeking out on it's own for me.

People are hard enough and I'm awkward enough that I won't seek out one night stands. If I don't have a partner I like, solo orgasms are much easier and more satisfying for me. That said, when I have a partner who doesn't expect sex all the time and knows how to press my buttons, it can be pretty fantastic.

[technoshaman]

*nods* sounds like it's definitely in the *direction* of demi...

that said, at the end of the day it's not the label, it's the partner and the communication. Ne-c'est-pas?

[fuzzyred]

That thought had occured to me. So many labels I could choose!

C'est vrai! The communication is MOST important, with anyone involved.