Crap

[fuzzyred]

Everyone says lazy days are good, and for the most part, I agree. Days for relaxing, where you have no obligations, *are* good, and necessary even. Truly *lazy* days, where nothing gets done and where there is no motivation to get anything done, not so much. Especially since, for me, if a day starts lazy it tends to stay that way, and then it's 9:30 at night when I have to be at work for 6am and none of my lunches are made and I left the kitchen a mess after dinner.

And I know I should just do it, that making my lunches isn't that bad, but it feels like a lot and I hate reaching out to people when I feel like this because it feels like I only ever complain or ask them to help me do things. (I know I don't just complain, but it still feels like I spend a lot of time asking various friends to tell me to do things so I don't need to find the motivation myself. Even writing this feels like pointless complaining to me.)

Fuck. I hate being melancholy, I hate when lack of sleep destroys my emptional control, I hate having no motivation, and sometimes I really dislike living alone, and being submissive. I'll be fine in the morning, but for now, I don't want to make my lunch, I don't want to make the decisions and I just wish I had someone else that could be in control for a week or two, so it wasn't all on me.

Fuck.

ETA: Lunches are all made and everything else that needs to be done before bed is done. The kitchen is still a mess and it's at least half an hour past my bedtime (it's 10:23pm right now) but the kitchen will wait and I can't turn back time. I still have that feeling of not wanting to deal with anything, but as I'm about to fall into bed, that doesn't really matter right now and will hopefully have abated in the morning.

Comments

[arthur_p_dent]

In my adult life I’ve determined that, while taking time for one’s self is important and necessary (I feel like I’ve had this conversation recently), days that are truly without obligation are few and far between - usually relegated to extended vacations and retirement. It’s the sucky part of being grown up. But I do agree - just because it’s generally unavoidable doesn’t mean I have to like it.
I hope some decent sleep brought about a better mindset this morning, and just to be safe, here’s some *hugs* for you. =]

[fuzzyred]

Thanks :) The sleep helped some but not as much as I wanted. I like I've been stuck in some version or other of that mindset all week.

[arthur_p_dent]

Sometimes the frustrating things linger around in your mind, and even when good things happen it doesn’t seem like enough to balance things out. I wish I had the answer. =\

[fuzzyred]

It's not even necessarily frustrating things for me, just too many every day dumb-shit things. Eventually it will work itself out.

[arthur_p_dent]

I hope it does. =]