There are tools for this. I've linked some of them in my notes.
Yes - No - Maybe list Always - Sometimes - Never list These tools group things that don't need to be discussed repeatedly because the answer is consistent vs. things that need consent each time. The differences will really pop out if you put things like genital contact in the "sometimes" column while another person puts them in the "always" column.
A variation is that you can put more points on the scale: Always - Usually - Sometimes - Rarely - Never Or however many you want.
Considering kink again: think about how some people want to be stroked with fur and leather, and some are really into hand spankings, but not everyone likes having their ass whacked with a heavy paddle. It is every bit as okay to prefer the "lighter" end of physical contact in sensual or erotic activities as it is for most people to make a beeline for orgasm.
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Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-17 10:54 am (UTC)Yes - No - Maybe list
Always - Sometimes - Never list
These tools group things that don't need to be discussed repeatedly because the answer is consistent vs. things that need consent each time. The differences will really pop out if you put things like genital contact in the "sometimes" column while another person puts them in the "always" column.
A variation is that you can put more points on the scale: Always - Usually - Sometimes - Rarely - Never
Or however many you want.
https://compassionaterevolt.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/listchart.jpg
https://compassionaterevolt.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/explorationexample-e1431621705352.jpg
https://compassionaterevolt.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/compassionateboundaries.jpg
https://compassionaterevolt.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/boundariesexample.jpg
This is a favorite sexytalk guide:
https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/autostraddle-sexapalooza-handout.pdf
But there are many others:
http://selfservetoys.com/resourcecenter/favorite-yesnomaybe-lists-available-online/
Considering kink again: think about how some people want to be stroked with fur and leather, and some are really into hand spankings, but not everyone likes having their ass whacked with a heavy paddle. It is every bit as okay to prefer the "lighter" end of physical contact in sensual or erotic activities as it is for most people to make a beeline for orgasm.