Who I Am

[fuzzyred]

I have been reading ysabetwordsmith's An Army of One series lately, and as I was making dinner today, I was thinking about me and got bit by creativity. Below is a ... free-form poem? piece of writing? meant to express my identity and how I feel about other people's perceptions of me.


I Am Me

I am female,
average height,
hazel eyes,
and light brown hair.

I am an introvert,
quiet and awkward,
happy alone,
but still seeking close connections.

I am not singularly passionate,
though I have many interests.

Reading is the oldest constant,
a favoured and familiar friend.

Knitting and crochet are newer,
each with their place alongside other creative things;
it feels good to make something,
even if I follow someone else's plan.

Science is interesting,
the hows and whys all coming together,
this and that plucking at me,
saying "Look at me, I am something new!"

Swimming feels good in my body,
and when the weather cooperates,
rollerblading and cycling are fun too.

Beyond the things I like and how I look,
there is the core of me.
It has shifted and evolved,
but largely remained the same.

I have hazel eyes,
I cherish my alone time,
I like to read,
and I talk with my hands.

None of those is any more remarkable than the last,
so when my hands move with my words,
there is no need to stare or laugh.

It is a form of expression,
no different to me than having an accent or speaking another language.

Sometimes my hands flap or wiggle,
though I will probably hide that from you.
If you stare when I'm just talking,
why would I think you'd stare less when I'm flapping?

Sometimes the spoons are gone
and parsing people is out.
There are hidden rules that I was never taught
but am still expected to know.

Sometimes I can pretend,
and fumble my way through
but I am not smooth the way others are,
and it is a lot of work.

So if you see me,
I am many things.

Hazel eyes, brown hair,
books and science and yarn,
and waving hands that illustrate my words.

I am not like you
and that is ok.

I don't fit in your box,
or any other that I've found.
If you stop trying to make me fit
and just let me be,
we will all be much happier.

If you don't like me,
that's ok, you don't have to.
Simply keep walking and keep your expectations to yourself.

I am me and I like it that way.

Comments

[technoshaman]

You are you and I like you that way. And I don't stare at flappy hands because Ysabet taught me what that means! I may *grin* if the rest of you says you're excited... or I may offer a hug, either for happy or for soothing...

I am only average height for my father's generation, and I have shrunk a bit in the last two decades... but only in the vertical; I am rather much a teddy bear. Round and stubby legs and arms. The fur on my head migrated from top to bottom years ago. I am an ambivert. I love things with a lot of people when we're all doing one thing. Sportsball. Concert. Especially a participatory one, where can sing along (often!) or even dance (seldom, but I like to watch; I know some good dancers)... but eventually I will get Peopled Out. Even then, one or two special folk, folk I can hug or snuggle, and who Get Me... that's nice. Or sometimes each of us buried in a device, but occasionally sharing random things.

I have long been a Follower, but I am slowly learning this Leadership thing. Learning to speak up. It's a good thing.

And I see your flappy bat wings, and offer a hug. You are awesome, and I am happy to share a world with you.

[fuzzyred]

Truly, I don't mind if people look (I get that it's different), but even when *all* I'm doing is talking with my hands (the way the stereotype says Italians do), I *still* get funny looks, and questions about what I'm doing that seem judgemental, whether or not they meant to be. It is nice to be liked and accepted for who I am, and hugs are good :)

I get the liking group events but still getting Peopled Out. I too prefer one or two close people to hug and cuddle. Someone to just share space with while doing separate things is something I would very much like to have, but haven't really found yet.

Learning new things is good. I am glad you are finding your voice. :) I am still very much a not-in-charge person, but I am slowly working on being able to at least stand up for the important things.

:) *hug* I like the bats, they are cute. Awww, thanks! You are awesome too, and I am very glad to have met you.

[mirrorofsmoke]

i applaud this poem. you are the fuzziest of J's.
chucky

[fuzzyred]

Eeeeeeee! Thank you! It has been so long since I saw you, your comment made my day, thanks Chucky!

I hope you are keeping well, and (all) of you are welcome on my comfort corner posts, if you ever feel like company (no pressure if you don't, of course.)

[mirrorofsmoke]

your comments always make my day. <3 and yep, i'm keeping well. body's got a sore throat right now bleh.
-Chucky

[fuzzyred]

Awww :) <3 I'm glad you're keeping well, though it sucks about the sore throat, those are never fun. I hope the body feels better soon. *hug* If you (any of you) need cheering up, I have a picnic going on right now, with food and games and cuddles, if you want to pop by.