General flailing
Aug. 7th, 2020 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fuzzyredSo. I absolutely suck at adulting and life and finding balance. Boundaries and saying no are another difficult spot for me and sometimes it all adds together to make me panic and flail because I just can't even.
The particular issue behind this post is alone time. I'm an introvert and people are usually a lot of work. I do like seeing them and I want to keep my relationships in good repair, but the amount of energy needed to do so and my inability to say no and balance things often leaves me over stretched and overwhelmed.
In most facets of my life, I tend to binge things; I will focus on something (say a knitting project) and do that for a few weeks or months fairly frequently, then put the activity down for a couple months. If it's something I like, I will eventually circle back to it. If I find I don't like it, the first binge phase will be the only one that happens and I won't come back to that activity (or it might be years in between.) Unfortunately, this does seem to carry over into how I deal with people, so I have a very hard time managing multiple connections. Lots of energy for one means little for everyone else, and I don't seem able to keep up the low level maintenance most people do; if it's not overly frequent (my personal tendency to get invested in a thing that has caught my eye), I tend to fall off the face of the Earth and most people expect more contact than just a text once every three months.
I'm not sure what would help here. I've thought of trying to schedule things so I can maintain a balance between chores, all my hobbies, people I want to see, and alone time, but I am not great at following through with schedules. I also don't want my whole life to be scheduled; I want to be able to be spontaneous and do things just because. Life should be fun, not just a thing to struggle through. Maybe a "month at a glance" type schedule, with major things marked in but still opens for little things? Or days scheduled out by with a space marked "free time" for unexpected things? Or even possibly not agreeing to commitments unless there is a heads up of two days or more, except for one-time opportunity type things? This last option would let be schedule a bit ahead of time, and not give away all my free time, while not having my whole life planned out to the minute.
I'm still just noodling around with things, but this is definitely something I should address, because I don't like flailing about. If anyone has suggestions, I'm all ears. Even basic things, because I have enough patchy spots that I might not have the typical basics.
*wiggleflap*
The particular issue behind this post is alone time. I'm an introvert and people are usually a lot of work. I do like seeing them and I want to keep my relationships in good repair, but the amount of energy needed to do so and my inability to say no and balance things often leaves me over stretched and overwhelmed.
In most facets of my life, I tend to binge things; I will focus on something (say a knitting project) and do that for a few weeks or months fairly frequently, then put the activity down for a couple months. If it's something I like, I will eventually circle back to it. If I find I don't like it, the first binge phase will be the only one that happens and I won't come back to that activity (or it might be years in between.) Unfortunately, this does seem to carry over into how I deal with people, so I have a very hard time managing multiple connections. Lots of energy for one means little for everyone else, and I don't seem able to keep up the low level maintenance most people do; if it's not overly frequent (my personal tendency to get invested in a thing that has caught my eye), I tend to fall off the face of the Earth and most people expect more contact than just a text once every three months.
I'm not sure what would help here. I've thought of trying to schedule things so I can maintain a balance between chores, all my hobbies, people I want to see, and alone time, but I am not great at following through with schedules. I also don't want my whole life to be scheduled; I want to be able to be spontaneous and do things just because. Life should be fun, not just a thing to struggle through. Maybe a "month at a glance" type schedule, with major things marked in but still opens for little things? Or days scheduled out by with a space marked "free time" for unexpected things? Or even possibly not agreeing to commitments unless there is a heads up of two days or more, except for one-time opportunity type things? This last option would let be schedule a bit ahead of time, and not give away all my free time, while not having my whole life planned out to the minute.
I'm still just noodling around with things, but this is definitely something I should address, because I don't like flailing about. If anyone has suggestions, I'm all ears. Even basic things, because I have enough patchy spots that I might not have the typical basics.
*wiggleflap*
no subject
Date: 2020-08-13 01:22 am (UTC)I had a coworker tell me she thought I was being a completely fake person until I just kept right on being myself for the first 3-4 months of our working relationship and she realized that I was not going to change...that I really was exactly who I said I was. Then we had a laugh.
Ask people what they need or prefer. This ticks the People Pleasing Button and the "I can pop this in my phone and set a reminder if I need to or whatever else works for me" buttons.
Some people are totally fine with occasional contact and some even prefer it.
Try not to make it a competition for yourself or anyone else in your life, that puts way too much pressure on.
If you don't have what you're looking for right now, you have time to find it, and if it didn't work out for you today then it might work out fantastically tomorrow.
Rest assured that you are winning by the very nature of the fact that you are striving to achieve balance and working towards making your social life even better than it is now. Seriously. YOU ARE ALREADY MADE OF THE WIN.
Just keep trying. :D
And as John and Hank Green always say.... Don't Forget To Be Awesome.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-02 05:57 pm (UTC)That sounds like an interesting experience. I'm glad you able to laugh about it afterwards.
This is a good idea, I will keep that in mind.
I do try to avoid comparing things, but sometimes my brain can't help it, especially if it feels like I'm losing. (I'm working on that though.)
I do have time, and it will come. It helps to be reminded of that sometimes though. :)
:D Thank you, that is really nice to hear. "YOU ARE ALREADY MADE OF THE WIN." <3<3<3 So much awesome. *hug*
Always trying; everything is a work in progress. Though I do take some time to just be awesome ;)