Erotic versus Sexual

[fuzzyred]

I have a question for all of you out there, because my experience is limited and many of you have very different experiences and perspectives than my own. Can something be erotic but NOT sexual? The dictionary definition of both words seems to indicate not, but some late night musings recently made me wonder if something can be one but not the other.

First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.

What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.

So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.

Thoughts?

Comments

Re: One person’s take...

[(Anonymous)]

But the original question relates more to dating, not making friends (at least that’s how I read it).

In the context of dating I think my comment still stands - sexual people ultimately want sex. The introduction of sensual acts in dating (back rubs, cuddling, etc) for them is a precursor to more sexual acts. Remove sex as the end goal, and they have no motivation to continue.

In another comment you made reference to the “hormonal peak”. I think this reinforces my point even more. Within that age range, one of the major milestones in dating *is* sex - either as it’s own reward (casual dating), or as part of a compatibility test for development of a deeper relationship (love). Once again, when you take sex out of the equation, the sexual person no longer has any motivation to continue.

Re: One person’s take...

[fuzzyred]

>>But the original question relates more to dating, not making friends (at least that’s how I read it).<<

For the most part, yes. Although I am more frequently looking to keep things just platonic and at the friendship level, and even that doesn't seem to compute most times; I'm interacting in a friendly and possibly flirty (usually unintentionally) manner with someone who has a different crotch shape, I MUST want sex. *eyeroll*

>>The introduction of sensual acts in dating (back rubs, cuddling, etc) for them is a precursor to more sexual acts. Remove sex as the end goal, and they have no motivation to continue.<<

I sort of agree with this, but not entirely. I think sexual people more often *expect* sensual things to lead to orgasm related stuff, but I don't think they have zero motivation if sex is removed. Cuddling feels good to most everyone, as do hugs and back rub type things. So I think even with sexuals you can have one without the other, it's just expectations that differ. And they may choose not to continue the relationship if they realize sex is totally off the table.

Re: One person’s take...

[arthur_p_dent]

I want to circle back to something you said way back in your original post, that I think is kind of the key to what we’ve been talking about:

<< ... most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it. >>

Everybody has platonic relationships. But when you start to introduce activities that are “beyond the scope” of a platonic relationship, I think that’s where you start running into difficulties. Here’s a few examples of what I mean, from the point of view of a sexual person:

Hugging = a relatively innocuous part of all close relationships
Clothed back rub = might only be to sooth a sore muscle, but you never know what could happen if it goes on long enough
Cuddles = close, romantic contact that will lead to more things
Things where you start removing clothing (massage, body art, etc) = foreplay

For them, this is a progression towards a more sexualized relationship. For you, however, these are activities that you can enjoy with just about anyone you’re comfortable enough with, without any other expectations; even if you have no attraction toward them, or any desire for anything beyond the platonic.

<< It's like I'm operating on a different frequency that hardly anyone even knows exists, let alone knows how to recognize >>
(I think you hit your own nail on the head with that one)