Erotic versus Sexual

[fuzzyred]

I have a question for all of you out there, because my experience is limited and many of you have very different experiences and perspectives than my own. Can something be erotic but NOT sexual? The dictionary definition of both words seems to indicate not, but some late night musings recently made me wonder if something can be one but not the other.

First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.

What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.

So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.

Thoughts?

Comments

One person’s take...

[(Anonymous)]

There’s a contradiction of terms in your final statement that I think points directly to the answer you’re looking for.
Erotic and sexual I think so go together, especially when you start to factor in more people than just yourself. While you can control your own feelings in a situation, most people, once aroused, are not so keen to “walk away empty-handed” (so to speak).
The contradiction comes when you introduce the phrase “sensual touch”. To me this is something that is shared and enjoyed for its own sake, without needing to turn into something more. If the act is being used in order to create arousal, I don’t see it as being sensual anymore - at that point it has crossed over to erotic/sexual.

[warriorsavant]

Interesting question(s) and follow-up exchanges with anonymous.

I think you two got to the right point about sensual ≠ sexual, but at some point it may cross the line. As you've said, you're nearly asexual, so it rarely if ever crosses that line, whereas the other person might feel differently, which as the potential to create conflict.

I was thinking about erotic in different terms, such as an erotic image. I think of, for example, 1940's pin-up girls, which images I find erotic without being sexual. A blatantly pornographic picture in the modern decade would likely be sexual without necessarily being erotic. I'm not sure I can pin down the difference more articulately. Perhaps I'd say erotic is sexual without necessarily being arousing? Or perhaps something like you describe as being arousing, without feeling the need to act on it.

Well ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

There's a spectrum from platonic to sensual to erotic to sexual or carnal. Like you, I would consider petting (especially above the waist) as erotic but not always sexual. Also consider that some erotic arts, such as Tantra, may focus on the erotic but specifically rule out orgasm for religious, magical, or other reasons. Kink is similar, often stimulating but not necessarily genital. And in Terramagne, powergasm can be erotic or sensual rather than sexual. It does short out the nervous system briefly -- sometimes even more thoroughly than orgasm -- and is intensely pleasurable, but is not identical to orgasm and people may like one but not the other.

Yes

[(Anonymous)]

Asexual people can find non-sex things very erotic, like boundary eroding types of deep communication. Most people shy away from that level of experience, but it can be quite HAWT for some... there are some forms of energy work that can be frigging intense and intimate and super crazy but not sexual in nature.

Then you have things that might be considered sexual for some people that may not actually end in a sex act. So the lines can get blurred.