Erotic versus Sexual
Feb. 9th, 2021 09:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fuzzyredI have a question for all of you out there, because my experience is limited and many of you have very different experiences and perspectives than my own. Can something be erotic but NOT sexual? The dictionary definition of both words seems to indicate not, but some late night musings recently made me wonder if something can be one but not the other.
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 01:06 am (UTC)Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 01:41 am (UTC)Romance is more variable. Sometimes it declines alongside sexuality, going from romantic sexual to aromantic sexual or similar. Other times it actually increases to pick up the slack, so the relationship shifts from romantic sexual to romantic asexual or thereabouts.
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 02:12 am (UTC)Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 02:50 am (UTC)This was the closest I could find to anything useful on the topic:
https://www.racgp.org.au/download/documents/AFP/2010/October/201010yee.pdf
Almost everything seems to be ace-hostile attempts to prop up fading performance and desire, as if 70-year-olds should still be screwing like 30-year-olds and something is wrong if they aren't. >_< For fucksake, evolution invented menopause so grandmothers could boost grandchild survival.
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 03:35 am (UTC)Also, I forgot to mention it in my other reply, but thank you for the link to AVEN. It seems like it might be a good site to find more like minded people, and more information in general. :)
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 06:36 am (UTC)Yep.
>> And ace-hostile materials are really not very helpful; <<
Painfully true.
>> just because someone stops wanting sex (or never did in the first place) doesn't mean anything is wrong with them that needs fixing <<
Agreed. I think it comes from two things:
1) a generally ace-hostile culture where people don't believe in asexuality or consider it a disorder, and
2) an age-hostile society where people do everything they can to suppress all signs of aging and act as young as possible.
I don't think either of those things are very healthy. Especially since it denies people the chance to find whole new flavors of happiness that young people usually don't have the patience for because they're too busy banging like bunnies.
>> (although they certainly have a right to fix it if that lack bothers them). <<
Also true.
>> Also, I forgot to mention it in my other reply, but thank you for the link to AVEN. <<
Yay! I'm so glad you found that useful.
>> It seems like it might be a good site to find more like minded people, and more information in general. :) <<
Likely so. It has a lot of information, and some links to outside blogs and such.
You may also like:
https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/72195-links-and-resources-masterpost/
https://asexualagenda.wordpress.com/101-resources/
https://asexualoutreach.org/
https://claudiearseneault.com/?page_id=1320
https://asexualsanonymous.tumblr.com/resources