Erotic versus Sexual
Feb. 9th, 2021 09:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fuzzyredI have a question for all of you out there, because my experience is limited and many of you have very different experiences and perspectives than my own. Can something be erotic but NOT sexual? The dictionary definition of both words seems to indicate not, but some late night musings recently made me wonder if something can be one but not the other.
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 02:02 am (UTC)This. I seem to still have erotic feelings from time to time, but I rarely feel the *need* to do anything about them. Or my body is driving the need, but my brain is still kind of "meh" about it.
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 02:14 am (UTC)That is often described as "gray-asexual."
>> Or my body is driving the need, but my brain is still kind of "meh" about it. <<
O_O That really sucks. Sometimes masturbation will make it go away, occasionally herbs or meditation will help, but other times the only solution is to have sex you don't really want to make your bits stop bothering you.
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 02:28 am (UTC)I have come across that term before, and it seems to fit me fairly well.
>>O_O That really sucks. Sometimes masturbation will make it go away, occasionally herbs or meditation will help, but other times the only solution is to have sex you don't really want to make your bits stop bothering you.<<
Thankfully, I usually *can* deal with it through masturbation. But even then there still seems to be a disconnect. It's physically pleasurable but my brain isn't engaged, especially in the beginning. At least when I take care of it myself, there are no icky feelings that go along with it, just a sense of "hey, body thought this was a good idea." I've had multiple experiences with partners where I didn't get the appropriate foreplay (usually mental for me), and I spent most of the encounter thinking "Are you done yet?" and "Why are you touching me?" But it wasn't physically unpleasant so I kept going. I possibly maybe need to review my boundaries and how to set them right.