Erotic versus Sexual
Feb. 9th, 2021 09:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fuzzyredI have a question for all of you out there, because my experience is limited and many of you have very different experiences and perspectives than my own. Can something be erotic but NOT sexual? The dictionary definition of both words seems to indicate not, but some late night musings recently made me wonder if something can be one but not the other.
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
First, I suppose it might be helpful if I defined what those two words mean to me. For me "erotic" is something that creates arousal, feelings of physical desire; something that is felt but not necessarily acted on. When I think of "sexual", I think specifically of the physical acts that lead to sexual pleasure and completion, or a thought and/or activity that leads to intense feelings of arousal and a desire to act on that arousal.
What got me thinking about this was massage and other touches like back scratches and petting and being drawn on, or having my hair played with. All of these feel really good, and sometimes I do feel arousal, but I rarely want to act on it. I would rather just enjoy the sensations of whatever touch I'm getting, and maybe revel in the potential arousal, but when it comes down to trading the sensual touches for sexual ones, I'd rather just keep going with the sensual touch.
So, I was just wondering if erotic and sexual have to go together, if they can be separate, or if there is another term out there that suits better that I've overlooked. I don't know if I necessarily have to be able to name it, but most of the people I've interacted with seem to use the sensual touch as a means to a sexual end, and don't quite seem to grasp that the touch can be erotic and arousing for me without me wanting to do anything about it.
Thoughts?
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 01:38 am (UTC)Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 01:56 am (UTC)Sexuality is complicated. I'm not kidding when I say mine is a tesseract.
Figuring out what you like or don't like, and why, is easier if you have lists of possible things. Try to cultivate a little willingness to explore things that you aren't sure you'd like, or think you might not like, as long as they're not downright offputting. I've had some surprises, and this seems to be a common experience. It's hard to know for sure what your nerves will do in advance, although once you've tried a variety of things you can often derive patterns (e.g. most people in kink like either "sting" or "thud" pain but fewer like both).
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 02:22 am (UTC)It certainly is. I don't think mine is on that level of complicated, but it doesn't feel like much of an exaggeration when I say the conditions for me being in the right mood for sex are "once every third blue moon from 6-8pm with pink tights. And oh ya, next time they have to be purple." XD Brains are complicated.
>>Figuring out what you like or don't like, and why, is easier if you have lists of possible things.<<
Lists certainly help, then I don't have to think of things from scratch, and I'm less likely to miss something. Although it can still be tricky when things are conditional. (Hmmm... that "sometimes" box might come in real handy.)
>>Try to cultivate a little willingness to explore things that you aren't sure you'd like, or think you might not like, as long as they're not downright offputting. I've had some surprises, and this seems to be a common experience.<<
I generally like trying new things, though I have to remember not to go into it with too many preconceived notions. Sometimes I can psyche myself out, if I go in expecting not to like something.
>>although once you've tried a variety of things you can often derive patterns (e.g. most people in kink like either "sting" or "thud" pain but fewer like both)<<
I seem to be one of the rarer ones who likes both, though I prefer milder amounts of either, rather than a lot of "sting" or "thud." I have noticed a tendency to avoid anything that is pinchy or scratchy though; those sensation don't really do it for me.
Re: One person’s take...
Date: 2021-02-24 05:32 am (UTC)Very helpful if you can figure out the variables. Some women only enjoy penetration during part of the month. Some men only enjoy erotic pain when coupled with genital stimulation. And so on.