Interlude

Jun. 18th, 2021 01:53 pm
fuzzyred: Me wearing my fuzzy red bathrobe. (Default)
[personal profile] fuzzyred
So, I need to do a proper weekly post, as I'm already a day late, but first, this small note to myself.

I have realized I need to start asking dudes if it's a booty call. I don't want to sound vain, and I hate assuming everything is about sex, because to me it's not, but the evidence keeps stacking up to say that it is for the vast majority of everybody else. I always get asked if I want to hang out, but 90% of the time, they want some kind of sex thing. And I don't mind this sometimes, but I'd like to know up front if that's what they're after. So. Next time a male friend/friendly acquaintance asks me to hang out, I'm going to polite ask if they actually mean hanging out, or if they want sexyfuntimes, and I can apologize for making assumptions if I need to.

*headdesk* Has anyone written a manual for dealing with and reading people yet? And if so, can I pretty please buy it, or at least rent it? I can pay in cash, fiber crafts, or editing. *joking but not really*

Date: 2021-06-20 12:20 am (UTC)
ex_flameandsong751: An androgynous-looking guy: short grey hair under rainbow cat ears hat, wearing silver Magen David and black t-shirt, making a peace sign, background rainbow bokeh. (neuroweird: I lack social skills)
From: [personal profile] ex_flameandsong751
OK, so I'mma assume here that by "dudes" you mean "cisgender guys".

If a cisgender dude has asked you to "hang out" in private and they have not disclosed being gay or asexual to you, it's been my experience over fortysomething years that yes they are probably looking to hook up.

If a transgender dude has asked you to "hang out", well... they might not necessarily be looking to hook up. Most trans guys I've known aren't pigs - we've been socialized female and had to deal with the male gaze unless we were lucky enough to transition very very young, so we get how it is and don't want to creep women out (if we're interested in women; some of us are gay guys lol). In any case, a trans guy probably won't mind you asking "is this a date?"

In any case, I don't think asking to clarify is a bad idea. Anyone who actually truly wants to be your friend should be able to deal with any awkwardness of that question without a big deal, because yes, not everyone can read people.

Profile

fuzzyred: Me wearing my fuzzy red bathrobe. (Default)
fuzzyred

May 2025

S M T W T F S
     1 23
4567 8910
11121314151617
1819 202122 2324
25262728293031

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated May. 23rd, 2025 06:41 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios