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fuzzyredSo, I need to do a proper weekly post, as I'm already a day late, but first, this small note to myself.
I have realized I need to start asking dudes if it's a booty call. I don't want to sound vain, and I hate assuming everything is about sex, because to me it's not, but the evidence keeps stacking up to say that it is for the vast majority of everybody else. I always get asked if I want to hang out, but 90% of the time, they want some kind of sex thing. And I don't mind this sometimes, but I'd like to know up front if that's what they're after. So. Next time a male friend/friendly acquaintance asks me to hang out, I'm going to polite ask if they actually mean hanging out, or if they want sexyfuntimes, and I can apologize for making assumptions if I need to.
*headdesk* Has anyone written a manual for dealing with and reading people yet? And if so, can I pretty please buy it, or at least rent it? I can pay in cash, fiber crafts, or editing. *joking but not really*
I have realized I need to start asking dudes if it's a booty call. I don't want to sound vain, and I hate assuming everything is about sex, because to me it's not, but the evidence keeps stacking up to say that it is for the vast majority of everybody else. I always get asked if I want to hang out, but 90% of the time, they want some kind of sex thing. And I don't mind this sometimes, but I'd like to know up front if that's what they're after. So. Next time a male friend/friendly acquaintance asks me to hang out, I'm going to polite ask if they actually mean hanging out, or if they want sexyfuntimes, and I can apologize for making assumptions if I need to.
*headdesk* Has anyone written a manual for dealing with and reading people yet? And if so, can I pretty please buy it, or at least rent it? I can pay in cash, fiber crafts, or editing. *joking but not really*
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Date: 2021-06-20 05:04 pm (UTC)Yes, sorry about that. As far as I know, everybody I lumped into the "dudes" category has been a straight cisgender male.
>>Most trans guys I've known aren't pigs - we've been socialized female and had to deal with the male gaze unless we were lucky enough to transition very very young, so we get how it is and don't want to creep women out (if we're interested in women; some of us are gay guys lol). <<
That makes a lot of sense.
>>In any case, I don't think asking to clarify is a bad idea. Anyone who actually truly wants to be your friend should be able to deal with any awkwardness of that question without a big deal, because yes, not everyone can read people.<<
That makes sense too. And really, anybody that is going to be my friend needs to be able to handle at least some degree of awkwardness, as I tend to not be very smooth and there are going to be *some* awkward moments.